Tuesday, November 8, 2005

on being rebuked about my idleness


argh, my pastors always say in church: confession is good for the soul, and bad for the reputation. well, I don't have much of a reputation*, and am definitely not as famous as my pastors. But still need to "air" the soul a bit, to get rid of the musty-ness. And to give glory to God. So here goes:


I've stopped working since middle of July this year, after the end of my 1-year contract job. After 3 years of working in administartive positions, I threw in the towel and decided to "take a break". My family finances has been more stabilized - while it's not exactly all roses and champagne, we can still get by on "roti" and "maggie mee".  I was also not really excelling in admin. jobs - didn't have the aptitude for it. So when my contract ended, I told the management I didn't want to renew.


And thus began my 4 months of rest. And rest it was, playing computer games, reading, swimming and cycling a bit. And from that rest came ill-discipline and backsliding. I thought I supposedly had more time with the LORD, when in fact I spent less time with Jesus on reflection**. Even when He has promised He will take care of me, I did not really turn over my life to HIm for His use.


All these came to a head in the last week of October. I was searching for a verse from the Bible which I wanted to send out to my "kakis"^. Somehow, I just forgot where I got this verse from in the Epistles, and cursory flipping through various of the letters didn't help. So I did a systematic search, starting from the Epistle of Romans.


As I scanned through systematically, suddenly the passage from 2 Thesseaonians 3:6 - 15 leaped out. I don;t know how many of you have this experience, where the words in a certain part of the Bible just leapt before your eyes and demand your attention. Here's the passage concerned:


6In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers, to keep away from every brother who is idle and does not live according to the teaching you received from us. 7For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, 8nor did we eat anyone's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. 9We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. 10For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."


 11We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies. 12Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat. 13And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right.

 14If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of him. Do not associate with him, in order that he may feel ashamed. 15Yet do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.


(New International Version, from http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=60&chapter=3&version=31 )


I've never read the Bible cover to cover once in my life, even after 15 years of being a Christian. And I've never really been on a systematic reading schedule of the Word. So when I read this in detail, I can safely say it's the first time I'm actually reading it, word for word. And of all the passages in the Bible, the Lord has to make this leapt out to me.  


Well, to make a long story short^^, I gave up my idleness over to the Lord, asking for forgiveness. I took up a friend's offer to do volunteer work at her workplace, which is a Christian organisation. In short, I learnt to "settle down and earn the bread" and to "never tire of doing what is right." And I'm much blessed by the time I put in there, short as it was (only about a week's worth, what with the spate of public holidays). Indeed, the Lord is faithful, and He blessed me with material and spiritual sustenance. I can never thank Him enough, for His timing and the people He puts around me to help me through. Guess the only way I can repay back a little to Him is to give glory to what He has done. 


So thanks to all those who have been praying for me too. Do keep praying, that I will not spiral all the way into the extreme, focusing so much on my work till I become obsessive about it.^^^ 


Till my next post...


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* more notriety than fame, my friends will tell me...


** last time when working, at least one can give the excuse of saying, "Lord, work so hard already, no energy to read the Word la"...  actually, not an excuse ah...


^ The verse was from Hebrews 12:5 , "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son". Also from Proverbs 3:11, 12.


 ^^ this is already turning out to be quite a lot already.... but what to do? Have to explain clearly mah...


^^^ hard as it may seems, but you'll never know

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